Friday, 19 November 2010

More cliche moments - The Lucky Duck

It's about 8pm and unusually, we're up, playing music at the big table in the front room, and there's a racket in the duck house.

It's dark, and of course the torch has no battery power, so G-Man has to go out and check it out night blind. He's got a stick, and pokes it into the mouth of the duck house and can feel that at the end of the stick there is something a lot heavier than a duck in there, and so man handles the cage up and over them to reveal - yes, you guessed it - Satan (or one of his minions) wrapped around one of the young males.

"Lazy prick! Get your own dinner!" rolls off Geoff's tongue as the snake unwinds himself from what looks like a dead duck, but as Satan slithers off, miraculously, the duck wiggles its toes and quite audibly inhales. It takes a moment, but he's recovering, breath by breath. The snake must have only just taken hold of him when Geoff went out to investigate the noise. It didn't even bite - just went the strangle.

These are, by now, the most expensive ducks ever raised if you take into account their accommodation, time involved in setting up their pond (old bath) and the tons of chicken starter they consume and strew all over the place for the bush turkeys to hoover up in their wake. They will be dinner for US - not some bloody freeloading snake whose job it is to hunt rats and mice, not take the easy option of sitting ducks.

Hard to tell the extent of the post traumatic stress disorder you'd have if a snake wound itself around you and tried to crush the living bejesus out of you. He looks fairly cool with it all. Unscathed really. I imagine that what you can't see can't hurt you. He's one lucky duck.

It did happen to a friend up here. Satan had climbed into bed with her and was starting to wind around her, getting a handle on whether or not she was dinner sized. Her partner, a photographer, was torn - to leap for the camera, or to her aid. He chose to help her off with the snake but man, what a photo it would have been! Wish I'd had a camera handy last night.


  1. My god you are a fantastic storyteller.

    And if I saw a snake like that I'd just die.

  2. Nah, they're actually quite beautiful. I've posted a pic of our resident mouse trap for you. If you get down low enough, they have the same inane smile on their face as the ducks do.

  3. I have a tanned snake skin the pattern on which looks like arabic script. I jokingly asked my Persian mate what it said.

    Spookily, it reads as:
    "There is only one god who is always alive."

    No wonder they're sacred creatures - even if they get a bad wrap in Genesis.

  4. I can't help but sympathize with the snake (and please, no lawyer jokes, okay?). The snake was just doing what snakes are designed to do.

  5. All go out your way.

    We're getting a lot of ducklings at the rescue centre at the moment. They are real messy buggers but not quite as bad as magpie chicks.

    But yeah snakes, total bludgers!

  6. "There is only one god who is always alive."


  7. True, screamish - unless he was winding me up, but being muslim, he's kind of serious bout the Word of Dog.
    I'll photograph it with his translation.

  8. I am also very interested in seeing it, for the obvious teleological reasons. Please forward or post at your earliest possible convenience.

  9. I am beginning to doubt the veracity of your Islamic snake claim.

  10. Hmmm. Can't seem to find the piece of paper he wrote it on - perhaps I had had a few vino reddos which may have affected my credulity. I will keep looking and post if I do manage to find it.

  11. annette, you are a world-class tease...

    and I say that with sincere admiration and socially acceptable nonsexual affection.